Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Decidedly Un-decided About the Undecided!

Decidedly Un-decided About the Undecided!

by The Gray Dog

My new morning ritual of late is to fill up my ‘IHateJohnKerry.net’ coffee mug, sit down at my PC, read email, and scan the internet news sites to search for article ideas. I try to filter how I look at headlines by the mood I’m in. Do I feel hateful? No, I don’t want to write about Michael Moore again! Do I feel witty? No, I’m already tired of the Kerry/Edwards hair stories. No, this morning I’m just not quite sure how I feel, therefore with no small amount of indecision; I’ve decided to write about the ‘Undecided Voter’.

We all have our moments of indecision. I have watched my wife stand motionless in front of her closet like a ‘doe frozen in headlights’ while deciding her uniform of the day. When my children were young, they could agonize for what seemed like hours while pondering which combination of Mountain Dew, Jolt Cola, M&Ms and DOTS, would induce the greatest ‘sugar high’ (or diabetic coma).

My wife actually thinks I am the most indecisive person she knows. Whenever she asks, “What would you like for dinner?” or “What movie should we rent tonight?” I will typically respond first with “I don’t know.” or when pressed, “Whatever you want dear. You decide.” Of course I don’t see my answers as indecisive at all. I’ve just decided that I want her to make the dinner after she goes to the video store. Caution: This strategy should only be attempted by men who truly love re-heated tuna casseroles while watching Hugh Grant Chick Flicks.

As to undecided voters, I’ve read several recent polls attempting to identify just who this very important bloc of voters is. Usually, you see categorizations such as ‘White Women’, ‘Hispanics’, ‘X-Genners’ or ‘Unemployed Buggy Whip Makers’. My problem is that all of the people I know in these categories have already decided whom they plan to vote for this year. So this morning I have decided to conduct my own poll to determine the essence of the undecided voter. I spent several minutes formulating questions using highly scientific methods. After just a few more minutes I finished answering them. Although some of the questions were tricky, and I think purposely confusing, I now am prepared to share with you my results:

42% - TRULY CLUELESS
These are the individuals when asked ‘Who are you most likely to vote for this year?’ answered ‘Fantasia’. When we pointed out to these individuals that we were talking about for President, one respondent actually replied in shock “Hey, Reagan died last month, don’t we got nobody else in there yet?”

21% - UNCONCERNED
These are the respondents that typically said, “Why bother? They’re all crooks anyway.” Respondents in this category were evenly divided between Hollywood actors currently house hunting in France and those crawling frantically around the floor of their closets, searching for a tie to wear to court this afternoon.

14% - LEANERS
This demographic group consisted mostly of women that weren’t paying attention before last week. Respondent Tiffany Charm of Yonkers can best sum up the consensus opinion from this group. Ms. Charm giggled, “I’m still not sure, but that John Edwards is just a dream. I could just eat him right up!”

13% - SMUG INTELLECTS (Independents)
These are the individuals who view themselves as ‘above the fray’. All respondents in this category proudly proclaimed to have no party affiliations and will reserve judgment until the very end. Only then will they look at the last polls and attempt to ‘pick the winner’. I’ve seen these same guys at the track.

Several other demographic groups that polled less than two percent each included surfer dudes, Prozac users, poets and Fantasia.

Of course my sampling group was smaller than many of the better-known polls. I had hoped to question a group of undecided voters known as the Just Kidding bloc. These are people who vote one way and then reverse directions and vote the other way. Unfortunately neither Senators Kerry nor Edwards would take my calls.


3 Comments:

At 6:35 PM, Blogger Another old dog said...

Looks like an easy decision to me, as for the undecided bunch, well maybe they just get too much input & it plugs them up, maybe they need some sort of “brain calculator” so they don’t have to do the math.
And thanks for reminding me, I’ve got to have one of those coffee mugs, think I’ll go visit BMC & get one coming. Guess I’ll be eating left over tuna casserole also.

 
At 9:20 PM, Blogger Another old dog said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, there's allot of them and that concerns me also. Look how close Al Gore got in 2000. The only way I know to resolve this problem is by doing what we're doing now. Maybe those that are "Out There" so to speak will hear us and finally figure it out.

The root of the problem is this. They really aren’t concerned in the 1st place because they think they’ve got it made in the shade and have a distorted view of society and their own morality. The only explanation for this as I see it, is that they get all their information from our “One Stop News Source”. We can’t really fault them for that I guess, because that’s all they see and hear. CBS, NBCbs, ABCbs, CNNbs and yes FOX also have created a bunch of mindless robots.
The enemy is within and has been identified, and that’s the 1st step. You Gray Dog are the 2nd step.
This thing has got to be exposed for what it truly is, the fight for America.
America says thanks Gray Dog. This slumbering beast has been awakened anyhow.
JB: Another Vietnam Veteran Against Kerry and his lawyer.

 

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